“They’re Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters — misspellings, bad sentence construction or choice of words all make for fun reading. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
- The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
- Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
- Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
- Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’
- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
- This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!
My sentiments entirely.”
With thanks to Alison for sending me these.